December 2014

Advent - My Time of Waiting

In the Christian faith Advent is the season of comings and preparation. We celebrate the coming of the Messiah to Israel by preparing for his future coming by reflecting on his coming as our Savior. I find "celebrations" difficult when I am in extreme physical discomfort. I was not in the mood to celebrate. However, I was the pastor of a small congregation of mostly elderly people. They had called me to lead them and give them hope until they themselves would step into the Church Triumpht. (The Christian term for death) I put my own personal feelings on the shelf and led them in celebration and encouraged them to prepare for his future coming.

Writing sermons was difficult. My mind wanders too much when I am alone. Feelings of depression and negative images would often rule my thoughts. Writing sermons felt like chiseling words into granite.  However, once the words are one the page, preaching because easier. When I expound upon the Word of God hope swells within me. Hebrews defines faith as believing in what is unseen. That is easy to preach. But in the back of my mind I had lingering thoughts.

Kubler-Ross explains that denial is one of the early reactions to news of death or indications of a life threatening illness. If I was not in denial, I had one toe over the line.(pun) I did not accept that my cancer had returned. The MDs claimed that they had never seen the cancer return after so many years. They declined to say cure but the physical evidence was in my favor until the events of October 2014. But if the cancer had not returned what was wrong with me.

Christmas was a great day. Abigail came home for the holiday and Sarah was with us for the whole day. The only distraction was my diet. Carol continued to provide a balanced diet that would pass through my troubled bowels with out causing pain.

Finally the day came for the upper and lower GI. The upper GI went as expected--negative. I was surprised to hear that a hiatal hernia was not evident. Then the lower GI. This was positive. Something was there. The radiologist was willing to show me the screen as he probed my abdomen. There is was less then 3 cm from my colon. A white mass was pushing on my small bowel causing a restriction that was less than 1/3 the normal size. A CT scan was ordered by Dr Piper as soon as he got the results.