March 3 - Recovery

Energy Rising

What a difference a day makes. I was miserable yesterday. My whole body ached, with flu like symptoms. The bone marrow was producing white blood cells and it hurt. A new medication newlasta puts the marrow in overdrive but my body was going full tilt before I even received the shot.

Today started out slow but with some Tylenol and a nice breakfast with Carol things began to turn. I am relearning the importance of pushing myself through pain. When I was in my 20s and 30s, I would run and do this. I got lazy after I passed 60. Each movement yesterday required determination and effort.

Good Intentions Just Don't Make It

I’ve recently been reading Andy Andrews book “The Noticer.”  Great book, claims to be autobiographical but is is a story that is hard to believe.

In it, the main character, Jones, asks a young man who is struggling to change:
“Five seagulls are sitting on a dock.  One decides to fly away.  How many are left?”


The young man answers: “Well… Four.”



“No,” Jones responded, “There are still five.  Deciding to fly away and actually flying away are two different things.”

Isn’t that the truth? This illness is forcing me to decide to do things and doing them to completion. I needed to relearn this lesson. I had gotten sloppy with my life.

The Walls are Shaking

A pump on the boiler in the building decided to spring a leak. We had water spraying all over. Good think we have an inventive custodian, Thanks Dan for your ingenuity.  The heating repair man is onsite. The whole building is shaking as he tries to pump water back into the system.

February - Backtracking

Waiting for the News

After surgery I had to wait for the news on the biopsy. We were expecting cancer but hoping for something less severe. I was actually anticipating the worse. As Dr Terebelo told me the news a deep sadness rested on me. He tried to be hopeful but made sure that I knew that this was an aggressive cancer.

Kubler-Ross talks about the 5 stages of grief. I have found that those 5 stages relate to anyone encountering a crises-denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think that I was in denial during the fall. The signs of a relapse were evident at the time of my first hospitalization--night sweats. I skipped anger and bargaining. I have been angry at God for other things but never the cancer. I recognize that there is no way you can bargain with God. He holds all the chips. So I jumped immediately into depression. After wallowing around for a few days I had to face reality.

Being a preacher has often forced me to address situation in my own life from the pulpit. (Hopefully without the congregation knowing that I was preaching to me not to them.) This was one of those times. Knowing that I had to stand up on Sunday morning and bring a message of hope to the congregation was very helpful.

The sermon was on the Transfiguration. It was more theological than experiential. It was not about me and my cancer but about the revelation of Jesus Christ. That gospel is a story that is not the creation of human myth and legend. It is a reality upon which gives me strength and hope as I walk through treatment. Those were my thoughts going through treatment. (I'll post the sermon latter. I would enjoy reading your comments about it.)

The reminder lifted my spirits and slowly the depression eroded. As the time for treat approached I noticed a change in my attitude. I am going to participate in the fight. I am going to place my trust in the power of God to heal, transform and resurrect.  I started nurturing a positive outlook that God still has things for me to do for is kingdom on this earth, and if not than to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)

Get Inspired

The caption to the link read, get inspired or just start typing. Sound advice. I have found again and again that when I am bogged done the only way to get "unstuck" is to start typing. If the inspiration is not present, then the time has come to make the perspiration.

An Abrahamic like vision is not the normal method of God's communication. If you here too many still small voice you may need to adjust your medication. Most of the time, God wants us to trust the desire of our hearts. For me that has not always been easy. My desires are constantly changing. I hear about Project A and my adrenaline starts pumping and I swing into action. I become a 'Martha' . The excitement of a new venture, new possibilities is exciting. The tasks are fun until the tasks become repetitious, deadlines go unmet, help from others evaporates. Then I start complaining to myself, then to my wife, then to anyone who will listen and then maybe to God.

Oh, I spend time at the feet of Jesus. I have studied the art of listening to God. I have a Dmin to prove it. I can find 100 quotes from the spiritual mothers and fathers on listening. I can quickly look up how Baxter, Owen and Manton would have instructed a seeker. At some point in the academic regurgitation I might even pause to take a breath and sit to relax.

It is usually in those periods of relaxation that God really does speak. That is not to deny or minimize the perspiration. Even God only got water out of rock once. We have to be willing to dig the wells to enjoy the refreshment of the water. But we also must sit and pause or we will not taste the waters clarity.

I will not condemn Martha for her busyness. Nor will I withhold praise for Mary. The two are absolutely essential for every one who wants to live in God's presence. However, we must be willing to imitate each one at just the right moments. Marys appear lazy and serve as barriers when there is real work to do. Marthas create guilt, anxiety and tension when people are not conforming to their expectations. Marys must learn when to engage and Marthas must learn when to disengage.

Maybe one day I will learn the secret to both. (Gosh, when I started this blog I had no intention of connecting it with the story or Martha and Mary) The fruit of a little prespiration!

(Gosh, when I started this blog I had no intention of connecting it with the story or Martha and Mary)

The Divine Debt Collector

I have been reading stories of the nasty antics that debt collectors are using on delinquent accounts. I am stunned by some of the things that they will do. They go way beyond bills printed on yellow paper and relentless phone calls. Some threaten to set a lien against your house, while others have even camped out in the family driveway. The House in Colorado recently sent to the Colorado Senate a bill to tighten guidelines on debt collection agencies practices. This will give the consumer in the mountain state some additional protection against the unscrupulous and illegal collection tactics of some agencies.

Consider the contrast between the tactics of these debt collectors and our practice of evangelism. Then consider the difference between the two outcomes. The debt collectors are merely pursuing temporal wealth, while we are dealing with matters that have eternal consequences. This week’s story is found in a troika (a Russian term for three) of stories about lost things--a coin, a sheep, and a son. In the first one we find that a woman frantically searches for her lost coin. The second story tells us about a shepherd who abandons his entire flock to look for one lost sheep. Both the woman and the shepherd have urgency in their task. They know that if they are not successful the coin and the sheep will be lost forever.

The stories are typically used to describe the 'frantic' efforts that God employs in His search for us. He does not give up. He goes after us; excuse the pun, like a starving debt collector. He is relentless because He knows that if He does not find us, we will be lost forever. That is definitely reassuring news. In a world that only cares about us for our money, it is nice to know that God cares about us for other reasons. But the stories can be turned slightly and used to prompt us to action. If God pursues us with such diligence, why don't we imitate him in our pursuit of our friends and family?

We prefer the model of the 'waiting father.' Dad patiently allows his son the freedom to nearly destroy his life. Dad does not try to manipulate, cajole or beg his son to return home. He just waits for his son to discover that happiness is not found in the material world. Pleasure that is fed through indulging in physical pursuits has an insatiable appetite and will eventually bankrupt the soul. This is a very attractive model. However, I am glad that God used both with me.

There was a period in my life that God backed away and allowed me to do some really stupid things. It took me a while to realize just how dumb I was. Once I did, he came after me with the zeal of a debt collector but instead of demanding payment he offered his love. We need wisdom to know which method to use with every person. But we also need to be willing to be aggressive when the situation demands a more assertive role as well as patient. Let’s enjoy how these parables remind us of God's love and grace as well as use them as a model for proclaiming the kingdom.

What makes you a better Christian?

This week's sermon was inspired by an article entitled--How the LA Clippers Made Me a Better Hindu? The Hindu idea of karma and Luke 13:1-9 have a connection for me. However, I thought that maybe I should save my thoughts on that subject for my sermon and take another approach in my first new blog entry. So you will have to wait till Sunday to hear about my ideas about karma, this blog will hopefully prompt you to think about being a better Christian.

The author of the Clipper and Hinduism article is a professor at USC. He does an excellent job of showing how his enthusiasm for the Clippers compliments his Hindu faith. What in this world compliments your Christian faith? Varun Soni writes about causality and non-attachment. He explains how victories for the hometown heroes "resemble mystical experiences."

Central to the Christian faith is the idea of redemption and sacrificial love. Sports has several examples of both. Announcers tell us that a player "sacrificed" his body to make a play. Baseball has the sacrificial bunt or fly ball. These may be rather trite examples to the sacrificial act of Christ but they are a start. You should try to think of your own that are more meaningful.

Redemption is found even more frequently in the sporting world. It is the process by which someone takes advantage of a second chance and uses the opportunity for the betterment of himself and/or to help others. Those of you who are fans of "LOST" know all about redemption. Every character in that series has had to undergo some form of redemption. Several years ago Pudge Rodriquez 'redeemed' himself by his contributions behind the plate and in the batters box. The Tigers would not have had that stellar year when they played the St Louis Cardinals in the World Series if not for Pudge. Several teams had given up on Pudge saying that he was too old to play. He redeemed himself.

However, there is a big difference between the world of sports and the spiritual world. In the former and in the real world we have to do the work of redemption. We have to turn the failures into success. We have to use our gifts to help others. In the spiritual world God does thine in and for us through the power of the Holy Spirit. We never have to prove ourselves to God. We never have to experience a probation period before he is willing to extend his love and grace.

Sports can help us become a better Hindu, Buddhist, and even Christian. I would hope that you will look around for other things in your world that strengthen your faith.